A little over 5 years ago, I dealt with depression and it is truly an attack against the mind.
I had not fully allowed myself to grieve the loss of my brother, and my husband and I were also dealing with infertility issues. I was so in denial about the extent of my sadness. I continued to serve, worship, and pray.
I prayed surface prayers, the prayers that did not really address the root problem, but the symptoms on the surface. The prayers made me feel better, and gave me some strength to forge ahead, but the sadness remained because I was still trying to carry my problems in my own strength. The problems were weighing me down and I felt crushed and suffocated by life.
I thought it was a phase. Until during a church service a man of God prayed for me and revealed I was dealing with depression. I struggled to accept the word even though it came to set me free.
I was embarrassed, and concerned about what others would think of me. I even thought about quitting church. God spoke to me at the kitchen sink, as I cried out. I was angry and ashamed, about the predicament I was in. How could I be depressed? I love and serve God. I almost rejected the very thing that came to set me free. I heard God say, “You can reject the word and remain depressed, or receive the word and be set free.”
The enemy attacked my mind! If I would have rejected the Word, I would have stayed in a poor mental state, a state where lies and deceptive, and demeaning gimmicks robbed me of grasping ahold to the goodness of God. The enemy tried to rob me of my identity by convincing me that I was worthless, when God said that I Am Worth It!
“I’ve learned that the very thing that we need, we often reject, and often it’s the very thing we reject that has the propensity to set us free.”
I had to pray and search the Word Of God for answers. How did I get here? I found answers in the scripture. It is the Word of God that is able to change the false and debilitating thought patterns in our mind. Our mind has to be constantly retrained, and it can only be healed and changed by the Word Of God. The Word Of God has the power to alter the course of our lives, and it has the power to help maintain a healthy thought life. I was trying to be strong, trying to carry the cares of life in my own strength . I had to dig deep, get raw, and get honest. I had to admit how worthless I felt about myself.
I had to learn to enjoy life again, because I was in a space where life was not enjoyable. I went on long walks, I exercised, I scheduled time for a manicure, I prayed for answers and understanding, and researched depression.
I found answers through prayer. I started writing again to give a voice to the internal issues within me. I stopped trying to control everything. I invited God into my problems.
It took a year of surrendering and letting go.
I was reminded through God’s word that:
- I am not alone and I did not have to shoulder life in my own strength, because God is with me to help me carry the cares of this life.
- God is my strength in weakness.
- I ended infertility treatment a month after dealing with depression. I had so much peace, once I decided to enjoy life and stop trying to make things happen.
- If God promised he will make it happen, we just have to stay in position and in the right posture.
I stopped chasing after the approval of family and stopped trying to be what only God could be to them. I had to learn to love life again. Everyday we must look for his goodness, and stand on the truth of God’s word so that the cares of life or pressures of life don’t do not rob us and steal from us the joy we gain from following after Christ.
If you are struggling with depression:
1. Be Honest..G.R.H. ( Get Real Honest) be honest with yourself and with God.
2. Search the Word Of God for answers.
Some scriptures that helped me:
Matthew 11:30, my yoke is easy, my burden is light.
As I studied and meditated on this scripture, I begin to understand the purpose of the yoke. The yoke was not a form of bondage it signify the importance of walking in unison with God and in partnership with him. In other words, God wants to help us carry the weight of this life, and we weren’t designed to carry it alone. When we invite him into our problems, situations he gives us solutions and helps us to maneuver the different seasons and changes of life.
Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV)
Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression.
3. Reconnect with the things that you love. I love encouraging others, teaching the bible, and writing. I like getting manicures and pedicures. I like taking long walks and having quiet time.
4. Talk to friends and family.
5. Seek help, if necessary. It is wise to get support.
It’s important to share what you are going through, and be around people who can help and assist you.